Working With Your Mate
(Without killing each other)®

• It's nothing personal, it's only business! And it is a business. For those couples who are working together now, or thinking about it, here's our road map with the bumps, potholes and soft shoulders, to balance your business and love relationship.

• Just having a relationship takes a lot of understanding. Working together, especially in such an ego-driven industry as speaking, brings that relationship to a whole new level of intensity.

• We've been a couple for over 18 years and have worked together for more than four years. When we first started working together, we almost killed each other! Our office is in our apartment in New York City. Our personalities and our bodies kept tripping over each other...until we made some conscious decisions. We don't have all the answers. Here's what's working for us.

• Why are you in this business? Why do you want to work together? Just as we all ask our clients what they want to accomplish, so, too, you have to ask yourself these questions. Remind yourself often. Find a balance of time, money and quality of life...and what works for you and your family.
  

• Make your "same-nesses"-- what brought you and kept you together -- more important than your differences. Once we consciously made our relationship more important than our business, they became interchangeable. Who we are and what we do is becoming the same...which is good.
  

• Determine what has to be done, who's going to do it and when it must be accomplished. Set realistic, attainable and measurable goals for yourself and your business. Decide which of you is better at record-keeping, organization, creating material, delivery and follow-up. Don't micro-manage your mate. Trust each other to do what each of you does best. The areas that will test your relationship the most are those where you skills and tasks overlap.
  

• If you both always agreed, there need only be one of you! Differing opinions stoke the creative fires. We're passionate people and that's bound to come out in work and in play. We even had "creative differences" while writing this article! The goal is to not take it personally when you disagree. Treat and speak to each other with as much respect and consideration as you would a friend or a client. Celebrate your differences.
  

• Decide who's running the business. Are you working with each other, or is one of you working for the other? Whatever works best for you is okay...just make the decision. And that can change, too. This happened to us. When we started working together, Rande handled the business end of the business and Robert delivered the product. As time passed, we became co-presenters. The transition's been wonderful...and challenging...for our relationship.
  

• You are in this together. Who gets the credit isn't important, as long as you get the job done and the clients are happy. Well, that's the fantasy. We're very competitive people. Our egos often clash. We need to consistently send our attitudes to the chiropractor for realignment...and change "ego" to "we go."
  

• If you work in a home office, designate some rooms as absolutely, positively "off-limits," to discuss business. We've "fenced off" the bathrooms and bedroom. If possible, each of you work in a different room. This reduces the likelihood of breathing down each other's necks. Just for romance, fax or phone each other during the day.
  

• Sometimes you have to take a complete "time-out" and not discuss business at all. Robert is more unstructured and can go 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Rande needs to know there's an end to the business day (which could be midnight!). We also try to schedule at least one day off a week.
  Robert used to travel by himself; airports and hotels can be lonely places. One of the benefits of working together are the mini-vacations on the back or front end of business trips. With the technology of today, your office can travel in your suitcase.
  

• Because you're spending so much time together, you have to find alone time. And find things to do together just for fun. We took ballroom dancing lessons...our personal favorite because of the male/female dynamics involved. Or, go to the gym, movies, theater.
  

• Even when you're apart, stay connected. When Robert's on the road alone, Rande will sometimes surprise him with a love note or flowers waiting for him at his hotel. Or, she'll tuck a small gift in his suitcase.
  
  Working with your lifemate is an on-going process of self-discovery. Have fun, enjoy the moment and be thankful to be in an industry where you can make a difference...to the world and to each other.